High-waisted pants with Sgt. Peppercrotch buttons were all the rage with the remaining ladies of Season 7 last night.  And as if that wasn't enough...

Asia'h Epperson’s solar-plexus crushing trousers clearly contributed to her meh rendition of Whitney Houston's I Wanna Dance With Somebody.  She seemed to have trouble catching her breath, and I’m fairly certain Simon would have employed a gong or a cane had there been one handy.  She seemed pleased, however, to be considered a “second rate Whitney.”

Randy the pitch patrol was deservedly all over Kady Malloy who gave an uncomfortable howling of Who Wants To Live Forever by Queen.  Her strained vocals made me feel awkward and anxious -- like watching a trapeze artist unknowingly reach for a greased bar mid-air.   

Luckily Amanda Overmeyer made it all better with a Joan Jettilicious version of Hate Myself For Loving You, and won best of the night.  Carly Smithson Drove All Night to the wrong song, but sang it well.  And suspiciously red-tongued Kristy Lee Cook thought she was a dog for a year but then woke up and realized she was singing Journey with a country twang. 

Ramiele Malubay and her “short legs” (as Seacrest astutely pointed out) dusted Against All Odds with her textured voice and massive cuteness, and dark-horse goody two shoes Brooke White gave a confident and creative acoustic interpretation of the Pat Benetar classic Love Is A Battlefield.  Syesha Mercado delivered an underwhelming Saving All My Love For You at the end of the show that garnered “predictable but good” reviews.

Last night’s singing was fine and all, but really it took a backseat to the banter and shenanigans of the three giddy judges.  Randy was on a non-stop trip down memory lane and making bunny ears on Paula.  Paula and Simon were snuggling one moment and gnawing on arms the next.  And all three were speaking in gibberish about “the moth and the mellonball” and something about yogurt.  Being wasted on television is a dream for us all.  Go go gadget judges!