Seacrest in the sky with diamonds upped the intensity of his introduction last night by announcing Beatles Week with the unveiling of a spankin’ new set and shiny new graphics package.

The new graphics (now with more purple!) include real people, imagined cartoonish people, and a spinning Earth globe.  American Idol -- It’s not just for Americans anymore. 

It wasn’t until he began the tour of the new set, however, that I realized I never paid much attention to the old set.

Regardless, Ricky Minor and the band are now hovering above in a watchtower / treehouse, and the judges are set back from the stage on a lofted sandbar.  The space is equipped with a top shelf, seizure-inducing, arena-rock, lighting rig, and overall the set looks like it was modeled after LAX’s Encounters Restaurant. 

But my favorite part of the opening sequence was the Rod-Roddy-on-ecstasy enthusiasm Ryan Seacrest displayed when announcing the American Idol Top 12.  I don’t know why, but I totally got into it.  I felt like I was watching that episode of The Brady Bunch when they all go on the variety show.  

After years of begging and waiting for music publishers to be desperate enough to license songs from the Lennon/McCartney songbook, the dreams of mangling Beatles classics on a large-scale level were finally realized, and broadcast to the world. 

Syesha Mercado got her Beatles education from the oldies station and chose to show off a flat, jazzy, 70s version of Got To Get You Into My Life.  Randy liked the arrangement, Paula thought it ended better than it started and Simon said it was an improvement from last week.

Chikezie wowed with an in-the-round, O Brother Where Art Thou type lead-in to “She’s a Woman.” Then he and his cute, argyle, sweater vest busted into a crazy rock vibe, full of funky falsetto and The Who style stutterings.  Impressed by his command of the stage and unique arrangement, all three judges now want to marry him and have one million of his American Idol babies.

Ramiele Malubay remembersed her parents playing “old school” Beatles in the car, like the “catchy” Yesterday, but instead chose to do a sweet and straightforward rendition of In My Life.  Randy said it was “pretty, and pretty boring.”  Oh snap.

Jason Castro bestowed a heartfelt If I Fell upon the judges, and made an “emotional connection” with Paula.  He was controlled, in tune, and kind of hypnotic.  Simon thought it was unique and different and good enough to stay in the competition.

With pelvic thrusts and eyeball popping vocals, Carly Smithson delivered Come Together with confidence, power and accuracy.  Simon finally said she picked the right song and I finally realized that Simon announces all good news like he’s giving away [pause] “A NEW CAR!!!”

David Cook and his vampire complexion opted out of playing guitar on Eleanor Rigby for fear that his power licks would be too rockin’ for the already extreme song.  He did well with his choice, and Paula called him a horse.  Simon thought he could win the whole competition if it was based on strictly on talent and not popularity.  Did Simon just call him uncool?

Former nanny and future porn star, Brooke White, selected the beloved Let It Be this week.  Her simple piano arrangement, with minimal accompaniment and a bit of background oohing, was a teary and sincere, barefoot success.  But sadly, the sweet-faced David Hernandez biffed his Beatles moment with an overboard cover of I Saw Her Standing There (that he promises to dial down if you let him come back), and Eight Days A Week went south during Kristy Lee Cook's “horrendous” country makeover that sounded like a record playing at the wrong speed.  

Amanda Overmeyer lightened up her accent and her eye makeup, for a bar brawl rendition of You Can’t Do That.  She looked wicked in Beetlejuice pants, and finally let out a big-note finish.  And Michael Johns took on Across The Universe.  Surprisingly, for the first time, I did not want to roundhouse kick him in the nipples.  Conversely, the judges thought it was a meh performance.

We end tonight’s program with a newsflash -- golden child David Archuleta doesn’t know The Beatles.  Like, at all.  This information gap caused the poor kid so much stress and terror that he actually attempted the Stevie Wonder arrangement of We Can Work It Out.  Son kept forgetting the lyrics.  He wore a strange black coat.  He was sweaty and pale.  And he pinned on the fakest smile I’ve seen since Barbie.  Double oy on rye. 

Best Paula Nonsensical Quote of the Evening: “For those who are going to take the risk, it better be worth the reward.”

Results show tonight.

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