Episode 7

12,000 southern drawls gathered in anticipation of super stardom and peachy pitch-perfection, but you’d be surprised how fast the belles turn brutal when the British get involved.

And while it's true that Seacrest does a full parody of himself every time he opens his mouth, I still felt bad for the guy during his Atlanta intro.  He looked pale and clammy in the city of his former residence.  You can never go home again, Ryan.

Joshua Jones, a 26 year old worksmith with a passion for glass, opened the show by performing a freaktastic version of Don't Stop Me Now by Queen that required the judges to demand he turn around while singing because his double jointed, demon eyes were scaring Simon.  Blame it on the lucky clovers stuck to his marathon number, but Mr. Glass is headed to the Land of La.

During the fourth season auditions, certified 6x platinum seller and double Grammy winner Carrie Underwood stood two contestants behind our next featured performer.  If a train left Atlanta that fateful day going eighty miles per hour, at a twenty five degree angle, and you need 3 licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, how many seconds would it take for J.P. Tjelmeland of Auburn, AL to be handed a pile of ashes for where his dreams used to be?  Eleven.  The answer is eleven seconds.  Thanks for playing. 

The next contender was the very brave, and still in shock, Asia'h Epperson, 18, whose father was killed in a car accident a few days prior to the audition.  She sang How Do I Live Without You and made Paula cry.  Her audition was good in its own right, and remarkable under the circumstances.  They commended her poise, passion and talent, then handed her a yellow ticket to take as a memento.

God-fearing, cow milking, pageant princess Brook Helvie, was the following 18 year old to make the scene.  Miss South Florida Fair wanted to prove to Simon that pageant girls have talent too.  And barring the staged stance, Miss Thing sang a darn good Jackson Five.  Three YES votes later, she screamed her way out of the door. 

Then things got downright xenophoberiffic during an un-glamorous, Fergie, montage of contestants that showcased the bad, the forgetful and the Asian girl who pronounced her Ls as Rs.  You try saying “The Glamourous! Flossy Flossy!” without using Ls.  That was not nice.

Picking back up was Eva Miller, 26, who subsequently fell down.  The Simon-smitten Atlanta lady slipped on her number while flailing and cooing to Vanessa Carlton and after an encouraging vote of, “I like your confidence" (read: “you are arrogant and somewhat annoying”), she was accused of putting on an act until they all realized she wasn’t.  Tearing, outrage and a brief hug followed.

Alexandrea Lushington arrived next with her entire family tree including 93 year old great granny who obliged Ryan Seacrest with a high five. The 16 year old from Douglasville, GA was so graceful that I don’t even remember what she sang.  Excellent job.  YES times three.

The following triple-play of rejection weirdness is brought to you by, DRUGS.  Yes ladies and gentlemen, drugs.  There is no other explanation.  Starting off was the lean Michael Gregory, a 22 year old, red-head from Virginia who sang (pretty well, actually) I Want To Love You by Akon, and wore mid-80s Anthony Edwards glasses.  NO. 

A burly, skirted, gnome-man from North Carolina with a bushy beard and running sneakers appeared next.  Chris Lars, 26, multitasked his audition by simultaneously confusing my feelings about gnomes and droning out a dodgy version of Summertime.  NO. 

Finally, Jared Wiley, 20, from Louisville, KY, popped on screen, singing like a demented Disney princess, while shaking and sweating, and throwing lasers out of his sparkly blue eyes.  His lisp didn’t help the situation, but it also didn’t make it worse.  NO.

Nathan Hite, 16, from Savannah was also about to receive a NO and seemed to know this instinctively.  The black haired, misunderstood, alterna-metal enthusiast took time out of his 9th grade schedule to prepare a few “witty retorts” to hurl at uppity judges.  His “bedroom audition” did not pass go, and did not collect $200.

However, 22 year old, Harley riding, naughty nurse, Amanda Overmyer won-over the panel with her authentic growly voice and see-thru shirt.  YES YES YES to the raspy rock vixen.

18 year old High School dropout Josiah Leming from Tennessee finished off Episode 7 with a sad story about leaving home and living in his car and playing his guitar and how he has lots of pillows because he likes to be comfortable... While Josiah was not the best singer of the lot, he did bring an unusual UK accent to his performance -- a transitive hazard of listening to too much Coldplay --  and they let the young whippersnapper through to the next round.  Jolly good.

You Worked It OUUUT! :  20 hopefuls

Other Episodes

Episode 1
American Idol Spears The Mentally Ill
Season 7 Starts With Record Turn Out In Philadelphia



Episode 2
Paula, Randy, & Simon Are Your Brother; Best Friends Forever
American Idol Looks For The Basement Of The Alamo Before Realizing They Are In Dallas



Episode 3
Mimes, Hooters & Plastic Ballerinas: American Idol In San Diego
Episode Three Goes LA Adjacent



Episode 4
American Idol Chokes In Charleston
Abstinence Is The Best Policy



Episode 5
Hiccup In The Heartland - American Idol Does Omaha
Big Corn, Forgotten Words, And The Return Of Loopy Paula



Episode 6
Love, American Idol Syle
Miami Auditions Get Hot



Episode 7
American Idol Went Down To Georgia
Peaches & Disturbed In The ATL