“Eh, pardon me, sir, but could you direct me to the shortest route to the Coachella Valley and the Big Carrot Festival therein?” says Bugs Bunny as he chases down a matador in fancy knickerbockers shortly before smacking a bull in the face while simultaneously doing a hat dance.  That rabbit knows where it’s at.  And if he’s going to the Coachella Valley, so am I.  And not a moment too soon because…

Coachella is back!  Now, with more sunstroke!

SoCal's foremost desert dance party and rock 'n' roll ruckus returns April 25-27 to the Empire Polo Field in Indio, CA with an enviable line up of more than 130 bands, wicked hippie art installations, $8 pizza slices, luxury on-site camping, and a purple Prince.

The legendary Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival is an electrifying sprawl of sensory overload that requires both a good attitude and a commitment to common sense (although logic and reason should probably tell you not to spend three days outside in the desert in the first place). 

LA.COM is here to help with all of your fastidious, festival planning needs.  It's a fine line, after all, between being prepared and being flambéed.   Hike yer hose and hitch yer wagon ‘cause we’re headed to the badlands.

What To Expect

Prepare as if you were taking a three day retreat to the inside of your oven.  It will be hot.  It will be dry.  And you will probably get burned.  The Empire Polo field is deceptive with its cushy green grass and towering palm perimeter. But make no mistake, you are very much in the desert.  What you are seeing is merely a mirage-like hallucination brought on by acute dehydration and/or the crappy teenage weed you picked up in the parking lot.

What To Bring

While it may be pedestrian to write out a list, you will thank me when your contact lenses unceremoniously seize to your eyeballs and your friends unwittingly contract hoof-in-mouth disease while you are dust-free and gorgeous.  You’re welcome.

Pack a medium tote or knapsack with the following light essentials: mega SPF sunscreen, the biggest Kentucky Derby-type hat you can find, a non-professional camera, cash, ID, ATM card, travel sized Wet Ones Antibacterial Hands & Face Wipes, earplugs, eye drops and sunglasses.

Last year, gaggles of gals also brought pretty parasols to shield against wanton ozone, but this year there seems to be a no umbrella policy.  Semantics or real restriction?  Check the FAQs and decide for yourself.  A complete list of YES and NO bringables are noted on the official Coachella website.

What To Wear

Dress for success in the thinnest clothing you have and layer like Mom taught you.  Rainbow flip flops are a winner because of the arch support, and a zippy sweatshirt + knit cap makes nighttime the right time.  Also wear your watch.  Cell service is slim and you will want to time the tightly scheduled sets of your favorite bands.

Parking

The parking is FREE and the lot is a giant dirt field that goes on for infinity.  If you don't have one of those plastic, petrified Wienerschnitzel dogs clutching your antenna, you may never find your car again.  The bad news, brace yourself for a long walk of biblical proportions to get to the entrance.  The good news, once you are inside, the trek from tent to tent and stage to stage seems far less epic.  Other transportation options include a nearby taxi drop and a snazzy Amtrak express train that takes passengers directly from Union Station to Indio.

Set Times & Stages

The stage assignments and set times are released a few days before the festival but the Coachella Scheduler (called the Coachooser, wocca wocca) is available now on the official website.  Scroll the lineup and make a wish-list of the bands you want to see each day.  Your choices are saved, and when the set times are released the data will populate your fantasy program so you can print it out and plan your attack.

58 Bands, In 4 Words Or Less

Get to you know the bands.  With more than 130 acts taking the stage, you may want to brush-up on the talent roster if you intend to keep straight the indie folk cats from the electrojive crew.  The Coachella website has a hefty list of YouTube videos for your researching pleasure.  There is also a loaded media player to help you get acquainted with the lesser known artists.  Check out LA.COM for our own Coachella playlist, and peruse our list of 58 great bands, in 4 words or less.

AESOP ROCK - None Shall Pass Out

ANIMAL COLLECTIVE - Experiments In Sonic Texture

ARCHITECTURE IN HELSINKI - Aussie And Exuberant

AUTOLUX - It’s Loud In Space

BATTLES - Agitated, Beeping, Math Rock

BLACK LIPS - Psychedelic, Garage-Pop Perfection

BONDE DO ROLÊ - Brazil’s "Funk Carioca" Merrymaking

BRETT DENNEN - Folk Romantic With Guitar

BUSY P - Making Daft Punk Happen

CHROMEO - Two Daves With Keyboards

COLD WAR KIDS - Indie Rock Poster Children

CUT COPY - Lush, Retro, Electro-Pop

DATAROCK - Fa Fa Fa Better

DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE - Sensitive Indie Rock Paradigm

DEVOTCHKA - Gypsy/Folk/Punk Hybid

DIPLO - DJ Genre Giant

DOES IT OFFEND YOU, YEAH? - Live Show Live Wire

GOGOL BORDELLO - Punk Rock Bar Mitzvah

GOLDFRAPP - A Stylish, Ethereal, Haunting

GRAND OLE PARTY - Chick Drummer/Lead Singer

HOLY FUCK - Urgent, Electronic, Blip Hop

HOT CHIP - Hip, Electro, Dance-craft

I’M FROM BARCELONA - Cheery, Indie Pop Collective

JENS LEKMAN - Charmingly Swedish AM Balladeer

JUSTICE - Do The D.A.N.C.E.

KID SISTER WITH A-TRAK - Fool’s Gold Boyfriend/Girlfriend

KRAFTWERK - Why Sprockets Was Funny

LES SAVY FAV - Tense, Hurried, Art Rock

LOVE AND ROCKETS - New Tale To Tell?

M.I.A. - Stunning, Hypnotic, Sensory Assault

MARK RONSON - Coveted Turntablist, Esteemed Producer

METRIC - Falling For The Creep

MGMT - Rock Whimsy Taken Seriously

MY MORNING JACKET - Drippy Hangover Music

PORTISHEAD - Eerie, Pioneering, Trip-hop

PRINCE - Purple Pop Royalty

RILO KILEY - Jenny Lewis Sings Scathingly

ROGER WATERS - Lunatic On The Grass

SANTOGOLD - Exotic, Dance Funk Stylings

SHARON JONES & THE DAP-KINGS - Vintage Soul Sounds

SHOUT OUT LOUDS - Tinkling Swedish Indie Pop

SIA - Pretty Zero 7 Crooner

SIMIAN MOBILE DISCO - Organic Club Electronica

SPANK ROCK - Underground Meets Dirty Rap

ST. VINCENT - Modern Feminity Goes Indie

STARS - Gallant, Dancey, Chamber Pop

STEPHEN MALKMUS & THE JICKS - Darkly Exuberant Indies

TEGAN AND SARA - Darling Canadian Rock Twins

THE BIRD AND THE BEE - Sweet, Cooing Indie Vibes

THE BREEDERS - Cool As Kim Deal

THE NATIONAL –Sexy, Sophisticated, Mood Rock

THE RACONTEURS - Jack White And Dudes

THE SWELL SEASON - Delicate Duo From Once

THE TEENAGERS - French Boys Don’t Care

THE VERVE - 90s Brit Pop, Today

UFFIE FEATURING DJ MEHDI - Ed Banger She-hipster

VAMPIRE WEEKEND - Ivy League Afro Pop

YOAV - One Man Guitar Band

Don’t be an ultra maroon.  Watch out for that turn at Albuquerque.