Let’s get ready to rumble.  Michael Buffer opened last night’s epic finale by one-upping Ryan Seascrest’s swollen jaw intro with a full bloom, heavyweight boxing metaphor, complete with silky robes and a microphone descending from the heavens of the Nokia Theater.  Though not intentionally funny, it was sufficiently entertaining to see such a macho treatment be applied to such sensitive gentlemen.

In the red corner, weighing in at 180 lbs, was David Cook and his very lickable forehead.  In the blue corner, David “Babyface” Archuleta, estimated at 100 lbs soaking wet, preparing to meet his destiny.

I’ve been a large form waffle for these fellows all season.  Archie won my heart early on only to disappoint when he crossed over from “breathy” to “asthmatic” territory.  The little old man/daddy puppet routine was wearing thin until the 11th hour when young David Archuleta re-emerged from the bottom of the lip-licking sea as a harder, better, faster, stronger boy.  I’m pretty sure we all just watched his balls double in size on national television.

David Cook was also a fickle love.  Me thinks I was probably too distracted by questionable hair choices (and Girl Scout attire) early in the season that I overlooked, well, his singing.  I neglected his star studliness and I have revised my position on the matter.

7000 people turned up at the Nokia for this glove dropping, three round duel.  Round 1 songs were selected by Clive Davis, Round 2 were songs from the Songwriter Competition and Round 3 was Contestant Choice.

David Cook started the proceedings with a sweet and sandpapery I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For by U2.  He received kudos on the scoop notes and on his poise.  Paula used this opportunity to make another song title related pun about his awesomeness.

Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me by Elton John was the pick for Archuleta.  The man-child Monchichi sat old-fashioned on the stairs like a debutant but stood up sturdy and unleashed some “you’re not the boss of me” emotion at the crowd.  Simon gave Round 1 to Archie.

From that point on it was all Archuleta.  Despite David Cook singing his face off in Round 2, and even with the delicate highs, the emotive lows and the range and dimension of his performance, the teen wonder was simply unstoppable; a vocal juggernaut with a heart of gold.  He almost seemed apologetic, like a superhero who can’t quite control his powers yet.

Tonight, American Idol’s Red Carpet, 2-Hour, Finale Spectacular pulls into town. The Top 12 will reunite.  Special secret guest stars will attend, bizarre duets will take place, another “dead Elvis” appearance is all but guaranteed, and you should probably brace for some variety of human sacrifice.  Plus, one of the Davids will win Season 7.

Also, if you’re itching to own a piece of Season 7, make sure to download your digital memento BEFORE MIDNIGHT tonight when all the songs and videos go poof off iTunes.

ROUND 1 - Clive Davis Pick

ROUND 2 - Songwriters Competition

ROUND 3 - Contestant Choice

Videos via MJ’s Big Blog
Photo via American Idol