With each passing week I become more concerned about Ryan Seacrest's neck.  His patented, "This [pause] is American Idol," show opener now includes a violent head thrust much like a shark distending its jaw.  Let’s keep on eye on that.

31 million votes this week -- Here’s what the hubbub is all about…

The boys sang on Tuesday night, cornering the comeback market with David Hernandez’s Papa Was A Rolling Stone, the Chikezie pleaser I Believe To My Soul, and Danny Noriega’s Superstar.

Michael Johns still made me want to sock him in the kidneys, Jason Castro made the Bee Gees sound indie-folkish, and David Archuleta made Paula say that she wanted to squish his head off and hang him from her rear-view mirror. 

Wednesday was ladies’ night.  Carly Smithson was safe with a solid, panting cover of Heart’s Crazy on You.  Beauty school dropout Brooke White got triple love for You’re So Vain.  Everyone else got their asses handed to them by the judges.

Kady Malloy nearly bit it coming down the stairs during a poor rendition of Heart’s Magic Man.  Amanda Overmeyer and her Pepe Le Pew hair picked another pooper with Kansas’ Carry On My Wayward Son.  Ms. Lushington sang If You Leave Me Now and got no dice even though she made Cetera’s balls-in-vice notes all prettylike.  And Asia’h Epperson got out-diva’d by her song choice of All By Myself.

Then, the Top 20 barfed up a Time Life ‘70s collection for last night’s results show song & dance intro.  Shortly after, four of them dropped dead.  Figuratively, of course.

First man down, Jason Yeager who is “a good singer but doesn’t stand out,” despite that lil frosted patch of hair in the front of his head for no apparent reason.  He was sent home to his wife and child. 

No. 2 goes to the super talented Alexandrea Lushington who pulled away from Ryan’s joking grab like “motherfucker I will break your wrist,” and then ran to Archuleta after her song as he broke down in tears over his fallen, teenage comrade. 

Third strike, Alaina Whittaker.  The “gifted bright young talent” cried and got embarrassed and said she couldn’t do her exit performance, but after some kind words and little stroking, she sang like a boyd while Danny Noriega turned teary for his banished gal pal.  Ps, the deconstructionists at Vote For The Worst claim her casualty as their victory.  They also report that David Hernandez is most likely a gay stripper.  However, I don’t think that has anything to do with Alaina.

Four on the floor, and with an insincerity citation, the alleged wig wearer, Robbie Carrico, is out like red tights, and eliminations for the week are over.

Next week, the Top 16 will botch classics from the 1980s (I think), followed by Beatlemania on March 11th, when the Top 12 will get to sing from the Lennon/McCartney songbook scripture (thanks to a deal with Sony ATV that was 6+ years in the making).  In honor of this historic achievement in music licensing, the producers have arranged for a new stage, new set, and new graphics package to be unveiled during the broadcast. 

Clearly, all the money spent is just to help prepare for an even bigger Idol Gives Back, Emmy-winning special, on Wednesday April 9th.  Ryan SC was sure to “leak” the names of some of this year’s participants; Miley Cyrus, Brad Pitt, Reese Witherspoon, Mariah Carey, Snoop Dogg, Daughtry, Carrie Underwood.  Raising $$$ for starving kids in and Africa has never been so shiny.

Take a break.  You are now Idol-free for 4 whole days.

Photos via American Idol