Hollywood Week Auditions

Hollywood Week is new and improved for Season 7!  And it goes a little something like this...

Day 1 | Hopefuls sing.  Some play instruments (no, really).  If they don’t suck, they’re safe until the last day.  No one is eliminated.  Everyone cries.

Day 2 | More hopefuls sing.  Same rules apply.

Day 3 | Sudden death round for the Day 1 & Day 2 suckers.  Said suckers get a mercy audition, but a swing and a miss means bye-bye.  The redeemed are, well, redeemed until further notice.

Day 4 | Further notice.  The remaining hopefuls sing for their supper and shake it for their maker(s).  YES means they will be considered for the top 24.  NO means no.  Paula, Randy & Simon play God, and decide fates via Polaroid Tetris.

Next Episode:

Day 5 | Results are revealed resulting in a revealing mess.

Everyone caught Canadian fever last night as the Bryan Adams catalog was liberally applied to these already tense auditions.  Torture, as is turns out, is sanctioned by American Idol.

Goody-goody Brooke White started the show by channeling her inner Working Girl for a Carly Simonesque Xtina cover of Beautiful.  She went keyboard all over the judges, and they fast tracked her to the last day.

This was not the trend. 

Simon thought the next contestant, Lorena Pinot, sounded like someone’s drunk mother singing Shania Twain, told Leo Marlowe he was “precisely NOT what we are looking for,” likened Paula’s Venezuelan loverman, Ghaleb Emachah, to a corny, singing waiter, and sent the pouty and overly precious Amy Catherine Flynn, packing.

Then we got a lesson in multi-tasking, as the incorporation of musical instruments into the first round seemed to hurt more hopefuls than it helped.  I believe that was the point.  See below.

Shaun Barrowes got weird Billy Joelish, New Jersey native Alisha Dixon did an “angry girl in bedroom screaming” with acoustic guitar routine, Michael Sanefilippo went electric to “dreadful” results, and lead singer/drummer (I know, I know…wait for it…) Jake Mellema, 20, from The Wolverine State, got “Hooked on a Feeling” behind the drum kit only to have his mellow harshed by triple “GOSH!”es and three NO votes.  A bonus “horrible presentation, horrible song choice” was then lemon juiced into his eyeballs.

Just then, David Hernandez appeared from the darkness to restore our sense of order and melody.  The handsome 24 year old sang Love The One You’re With and the judges adored it from “note one.”  They lathered him in complements as the confident and charismatic Arizonan rode off into the theater lobby.

Rock ‘n’ roll nurse, Amanda Overmyer, 23, was up next with her time-machine voice and throwback vibe.  She growled and wailed through a Doors number despite the twelve staples in her head and the two busted ribs from a very recent car accident.  How rock is that?!  Simon urged her to learn a little “light and shade” with her voice, and she was awarded the triple YES for valor.

Day 2 started strong with Josiah Leming’s version of (the very Queen-sounding) Mika track, Grace Kelly.  The well-liked, 18 year old, car-living, black horse/sheep got three enthusiastic YES votes for his memorable vocal/piano performance.

Also wow-worthy was Azusa youngster, Danny Noriega, who killed the stage with his take on Leo Sayer's When I Need You, Foxy Filipino, Ramiele Malubay, who owned Until You Come Back To Me, Carly Smithson and her blue tongued audition, and aussie Michael Johns who took Jim Morrison down under.

Wrapping up the round we saw David Cook (and his joker smile) dressed like a boyscout, get a majority vote and a challenge from Simon, Kid Rocker Robbie Carrico go mellow gold with some Bryan Adams to rave reviews, and our future president, Kyle Ensley, 21 from OK, practically get booed offstage for a silly and “abysmal” rendition of Love Grows (Where My Rosemary Goes).  Simon stormed off in a huff and now onto Day 3.

Enter the firing squad. 

Until this point, no one had been cut from Hollywood Week and the judges’ bloodlust was palpable.  The strikes were swift and deep, with groups of ten lining up, single file, to face their doom.  Each contestant was given a few seconds to sing sans musical accompaniment and then they’d step back into line and await final judgment.

The ensuing massacre claimed nearly every living soul, and when it was over, even audition favorites like Angela Martin (whose daughter has a rare disease, whose father was just killed, and whose audition was not so terrible) were vaporized from the competition.

The surviving contestants spent all night practicing with the band for their last chance to be considered for the Top 24.

16 year old vocal prodigy David Archuletta brought us Heaven, Kyle 4 Pres raised up his game, Jeffrey Lampkin crashed Aladdin’s magic carpet, and Joey Catalano was overtaken my a migraine.

Michael John took on Bohemian Rhapsody, Carly Smithson gave us her HEART, Asia’h Epperson threw down with her finest audition yet, and Miss South Florida Fair tried to strong-arm paula with the swing vote.  Don’t push the Abdul.

The dramatic end of Hollywood Week auditions closed on Josiah L, unprepared and over-tired, dismissing the band and bumbling through Stand By Me.  Man, they like this kid.  He’s still a contender.

Tune in for the teary results and the top 24, tonight.