Episode 3

The audition tour made a stop in San Diego, and like miniature Buddhas covered with hair, 12,000 sun-babies put down their Anchorman dialog and picked up a chance at becoming the next American Idol.  Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale's vagina.

Tetiana Ostapowych kicked off Episode 3 with a technically lovely, but emotionally unconvincing version of Someone To Watch Over Me.  The Venice Beach beauty was sent through with a cautionary, “I don’t think you’re as good as good as you think you,” congratulations from Simon.

Single papa, Perrie Cataldo, arrived next all the way from Arizona with flailing hand motions, decent vocals, a police record, and the uber-mellowest kid on the planet.  He received three enthusiastic up-thumbs from the judges. 

28 year old Aussie-hunkster Michael Johns was the next notable of the day.  He really wants to be Otis Redding, but he’s white, from Australia, and sounds like it.  He had a straight-forward voice and kept shaking his head around like somehow that would make him more soulful.  His rendition of Been Loving You Too Long pulled more from the collarbone than the gut, but the judges loved it and it’s off to Hollywood for this one too.

People came from such far off lands as Studio City and Sherman Oaks to vocalize their hearts out for the fabulous Randy, Paula, and Simon, but even the lowest v-necks and giantest hooters will not save you when you claim to sing like Mariah Carey and instead you butcher Phil Collins.  Valerie Reyes learned this the hard way after mocking her predecessors who also found themselves in the reject pile.

The second half of the episode included a Paula hairdo that seemed to be partially glued to her face, a guy sporting a South of the Border get-up and live mime sidekick, a pair of tone deaf friends, and the idiot who dressed like up like the Statue of Liberty in Chicago during Season 5.  Poor poor Blake Boshnack.  We learned that he has a nutty mom who’s living vicariously through his public AI humiliations.  This was his tenth audition and he still did not get through.  At least this time they let him sing. 

Samantha Musa, 20, from Baldwin Park took on Aretha like a champ, and her cute sister threw a paper-airplane, love note to Simon.  Sarah Long from San Diego sang like possessed, babbling chipmunk, and was compared to William Hung.  And a long-haired, love child with fingernails like a Buffy demon, and an eagle on his tunic, twirled a plastic ballerina on a stick and carried a giant, green, paper fan while waiting for his turn.  He performed a gloomy, original composition about his life and then a very sad Alberto Hertado went home to Chula Vista.

Wrapping up the day was 16 year old David Archuleta from Utah who overcame vocal chord paralysis and being from Utah, to give a charmingly mature performance full of raspy/breathy action.  Paula thinks he’s cute as a button and wants to squish him, while the other judges merely approved without incident.  Finally, the last yellow card of the day was handed to once MCA recording artist and Season 5 disqualifee Carly Smithson, who was back with a strong, expressive voice, a thoroughly tatted-up loverman, and all the proper paperwork (visa trouble kept her from going to Hollywood last time).

One Hundred Million Percent Yes:   31 hopefuls