Brace yourself Brad Pitt. The save-the-world spectacular has arrived. However we still have a few hours before Idol Gives (Us A Portion Of Our Dignity) Back, so let’s take a look at how the Top 8 fared on INSPIRATIONAL SONG NIGHT!!!
The contestants shook it for the judges, but the judges put on a show for us. And their show isn't drug tested. Amen. Last night, Paula’s breasts reported for duty and Madonna’s earrings from Desperately Seeking Susan rode shotgun on the crazy train. Randy was once again suffering from a specialized cold, and Simon was sporadically chirpy.
Until...
Michael Johns - "Dream On" by Aerosmith
Dressed like a cruise ship waiter turned undertaker (complete with neckerchief and vest), Michael Johns opened the show with a screechy impersonation of this Aerosmith classic. Randy was underwhelmed, and when confronted with this assessment, the aged Aussie gave a hokey response about living in America and dreams coming true. Of course Paula was there to take the thoughtful and opposing viewpoint as she gushed, “you sound as good as you look.” Then she offered him the services of her Chihuahua. Simon cried “Wannabe.” Mayhaps, Wallaby.
Syesha Mercado - "I Believe" by Fantasia
Snoozer. Points for technical proficiency given the bigness of the number, but her diva days are dwindling as she continues to choose songs that out rank her. However, the serious baby face she made at the end of her video introduction was creepily memorable.
Jason Castro - "Over The Rainbow" by Israel Kamakawiwo’ole
The dreaded Castro mellowed forward with a uke rendition of this uke rendition. It was very, very pretty and he was nice enough to show us some of the range he keeps hidden behind the locks. Blazing, molten-hot approval from Randy. Simon loved it. Two tits up from Paula.
Kristy Lee Cook - "Anyway" by Martina McBride
And speaking of… In a full support bra, and dolled up like glitter-gold Barbie, the first Cook of the evening chose the Martina McBride anthem as her inspirational offering. The bottom 3 baby kept it together and hit some quality notes. She gets my vote for most improved in the likeability category, though I am still more than a little afraid of her. Simon thought she did well, looked like a star, and appealed to her audience.
After a short commercial break we returned to find FOX’s Mike Darnell (looking like Constantine Maroulis) sitting awkwardly on Simon’s lap where he proceeded to leave Randy hanging -- fist in limbo -- on national TV. It was a little pitchy.
David Cook - "Innocent" by Our Lady Peace
David Cook seemingly swallowed a hot mess of a toad. His version of Innocent was Sgt. Peppered with white jacket pomposity,
low register flubs and weirdness galore. Here’s my theory: It wasn’t David Cook at all. This was his evil twin. Evil twins ALWAYS have a full, unruly goatee. It’s in the handbook. Simon summed it up best, “Dayveed… I didn’t like this pifformince very much at tooool.” However it did come with a dramatic twist at the end when he opened his hand to reveal the words, “give back” written in marker. Corny, but sweet. And an appropriate message given the mega fundraising that is about to take place. You go David’s bad singin’ evil twin!
Carly Smithson - "The Show Must Go On" by Queen
Smiling on the outside and seething on the inside, Carly Smithson over-sang the Freddy opus. It’s a dark, chilling song and a very odd choice for inspiration night. The highwaisted pants and disco belt garnered raves from Simon, but the gang as a whole thought she lost control of the song.
David Archuleta - "Angels" by Robbie Williams
David Archuleta finds so much inspiration in the world that it’s hard for him to narrow it down to just one song. Aww. Ultimately, he chose Angels by Robbie Williams; Robbie Williams who is demigod in the UK but virtually invisible in the US. Hey wait, isn’t one of the judges British? Well played, sir. David A’s vocal runs were practiced but sincere and the piano playing was tastefully understated. Still, the boy wonder needs to gets some life experience behind that voice.
Brooke White - "You’ve Got A Friend" by Carole King
Seasons be damned! You've got a friend in Brooke White. Channeling her inner King, the blonde sunbeam did her chanteuse thing. Randy confessed, “I wasn’t, like, jumpin’ up and down... but I wasn’t mad at ya either.” Paula said nothing constructive but blurted, “I Love You!” And Simon said it was unoriginal but nice, like a pleasant walk in the park. Brooky smiled but she had tears in her eyes. Ryan skillfully pointed this out and mentioned that she was shaking. “I am,” she said in agreement.
And on that note, so to speak, it's time to empty your wallets and lock up the bourbon ‘cause Idol is giving back. Tonight's upcoming starry-eyed fundraiser hopes to raise millions of dollars to help six charities take care of thousands of humans.
Donations can be made via internet or phone during the broadcast, and your support will help aid the Children's Defense Fund, The Global Fund, Make It Right, Malaria No More, Save The Children and the Children's Health Fund. There is also a mail-in option if you’d rather write a check, and even a fatcat corporate matching program.
Idol Gives Back (FOX)
Wednesday | April 9 | 7:30pm
2 ½ Hour Special Event w/ Brad Pitt, Robin Williams, Celine Dion, Forest Whitaker, Billy Crystal, Dane Cook, Kiefer Sutherland, Vanessa Hudgens, Ashley Tisdale, Jennifer Connolly, Elliott Yamin, Fantasia, Amy Adams, Bono, Brad Pitt, Reese Witherspoon, Miley Cyrus, Mariah Carey, Eli Manning, Peyton Manning, Fergie, Chris Daughtry, Carrie Underwood, Annie Lennox, John Legend, Snoop Dogg, Maroon 5, Heart, Gloria Estefan (and The Cadbury Bunny and The Tooth Fairy, I hope).
Get to know your idols…
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