Your boss has dispatched you to wait in line at Sprinkles for the last time. It may be his kid’s/client’s/wife’s/girlfriend’s/boyfriend’s birthday, but nothing says “industry peon” as your lowly status as the official errand runner.

Save some time so you can spend more of your precious eight(een) hour workday doing constructive work—like shredding documents or scrolling TMZ. The following L.A. goodies are available by mail-order only, baked fresh and FedEx’ed to anyone. Anywhere.

THE ROYAL FLANNENBAUMS

With a name like Flan King, one should hope that said royalty’s specialty is, well, flan. This is no pocket flan: the cake-size

Boasting “oral orgasms,” one cannot help but be enticed to try this crème caramel dripping with intensely sugary flanjuice. Arriving in aptly colored royal blue packaging with a nice ribbon topping, what better way to celebrate nothing in particular. It’s “spoonfeel”—the proper density for cutting through the custard effortlessly—is right on. And the prices ($25 for a large, down to the $3 individual) are way better than shelling out $50 for the it’s-been-done cake at Sweet Lady Jane.

Flan King; 323-960-0770; www.flan-king.com

HOLE FOODS

Donuts are one of those dessert snacks that you don’t want to try making for yourself. Once you realize that they’re deep-fried like the finest McDonald’s french fry, it might sour you on the sweet.  

And this is why we purchase foods: so we don’t have to see them being made. Get on the good side of the neighborhood sheriff (or meter maid) with a sampler dozen from Stan’s Donuts of Westwood. Stan is to doughnuts what Jerry is to deli: self-titled as “famous,” and his corner shoppe in the village is about two decades older than your boss’s new wife.

With two-day’s notice, Stan will ship next-day FedEx throughout the States on Mondays through Thursdays. One of the cheapest artery-clogging sugar fixes for cops citywide don’t come cheap: It’s run you a minimum of $35 to $45 for shipping alone to send a giant box of Stan’s Reese’s PB+J or buttermilk confections.

Stan’s Donuts; Westwood Village; 10948 Weyburn Avenue; 310-208-8660

Stan’s Donuts; Thousand Oaks; 658 N. Moorpark Road; 805-381-1818

http://www.stansdoughnuts.com/order.html

SOUTHERN COMFORT

Southerners who love pecan pie are an odd, cultish breed—like New York Jews ISO cheesecake to upset their lactose intolerant gastrointestinal systems.

Southern gentleman Rickey Smith of The Sweet Spot has mastered the time-honored recipe with praline topping and flaky graham crust in dainty individual tins. Even with “White Vermont” and exceedingly chocolatey flavors, go for the original.  

It’s cruel that Heidi Montag has a shelf life longer than these goodies, but they will still keep for a solid few weeks in the freezer. But unlike Ms. Montag, then again, they’re all-fresh—with no plastic.

TIP: Delivery available on the Westside (yet another reason to move past the 405).

The Sweet Spot; 800-576-7716

www.thesweetspotonline.com

THE SCOOP

Dandy Don is the Willy Wonka of the ice cream world, and his homemade ice cream—churned lovingly from an unassuming Van Nuys homebase—makes you realize the gustatory uselessness of your neighborhood froyogatessen. There’s nothing better than pumpkin ice cream for Thanksgiving, and some ultra-dense vanilla for one of Rickey Smith’s Sweet Spot pies (see above). A $75 delivery charge will get you a dry ice-packed bonanza of Don’s wildest flavors…from pink ginger and white pistachio to wild creations churned up for his laundry list of restau clients. He may always be chomping his signature cigar, but oddly enough—no tobacco-flavored ice cream cones for the kiddies.

Dandy Don’s Homemade Ice Cream; 800-DANDY-DON

http://www.dandydonsicecream.com/icecream/store.html

DO-SI-DELUSCIOUS

We were secretly hoping that some lazy Girl Scout had ditched door-to-door in favor of point-and-click chocochip. Alas, that kind of minimogul genius would be against the grassroots charter for Trefoil-toting, suburban fourth graders. After the sugary seduction of those fashionably sashed preteens, strategically camped next to the “Do you have a minute to stop global warming?” clipboard guy outside of Whole Foods, try the guilt-free ease of ordering online. Check out the very grown-up (and limited-edition flavors) at L.A.-based DeLuscious. You may love those peanut butter Tagalongs, but you won’t miss them when you can have a Peanut Butter sampler box even more nutty than Britney Spears.

DeLuscious Cookies & Milk; 323-460-2370

https://delusciouscookies.com/

-- Alison Claire Steingold