With about 16,000 square jaws—um, we mean square feet—to fill, the line of tight T-shirts outside has only gotten longer. Insert "size matters" joke here.

Once past the gargoyles at the entrance, a bevy of boys ogle each other over martinis that are fruity in more ways than one. The big, breezy front patio—complete with fountain, stone statues and trees—is only one arm of the monolith. All the way in the back are the popular beds underneath a trellis with leaf-shaped fans that don't do much but look cool; brick walls coated with flowers and tea lights connect a couple of large, full-service bars and lots of seating options indoors and out. The cavernous Ice Bar features another full bar (bringing the grand total to four—right?), a fireplace and a two-story-high ceiling. (The raised lounge in the back is a favorite place to sneak a smooch or hammer out snarky critiques with sidekick hags.) The Abbey also has a surprisingly good food menu (the Hawaiian ahi salad won't cancel out that morning's crunches, but the huge plate of fried calamari will) and a decadent dessert counter. We haven't seen many musclebound 'mos go near the tiramisu (it's not injected with protein, after all), but we hear it's worth facing the shame. —Lonny Pugh