By Melissa Heckscher
Staff Writer

There's a blur of fishnet stockings and pigtails as the pack of roller skaters collide into each other with all the ferociousness of a multicar pileup of Mini Coopers.

One woman smashes into the railing; another tumbles onto her hands and knees. The rest skate on, slowed only for a moment by the collision.

"If you don't know anything about roller derby," says Robin Rosenzweig, aka "Suzy Snakeyes" of the Los Angeles Derby Dolls, the city's only banked-track female roller derby league, "the three things you get excited about are fast skating, hitting and falling."

It's true. The falls, the scraped knees, the tumbles … the crowd wants them in the same way hockey fans might hope for slam-against-the-wall fights to spice up their spectating.

Why? Because it's fun.

"It's hot chicks kicking ass on wheels," Rosenzweig said. "I think it's definitely a case of, 'Guys want to be with us, women want to be us.' "

Those who have never been to a roller derby game should toss out any preconceived notions of big girls and scripted matches.

This scene is more trendy than sporty; more of an event than a match.

It's "Rocky Horror Picture Show" with a dash of "Grease," a touch of "Garbage Pail Kids," and the overall air of a high-school sporting event.

Bands play during halftime. Vendors sell kitschy handmade purses, rock 'n' roll baby clothes and lingerie. Players go by aliases.

There's "Eva Destruction" and "Tara Armoff." "Markie D. Sod" and "Kammi Kazi." "Paris Killton" and "Judy Gloom."

And they've all got their own trading cards.

"On the rink, we get to be this big, bad version of ourselves," Rosenzweig said. "We get to be superheroes."

Of course, when the skates come off, they're not so intimidating. Rosenzweig works for a Women and Wine event-planning company.

There's a junior high school teacher, a librarian, a few actors, a lawyer. There are mothers, wives, girlfriends.

Some of them were longtime athletes before joining the league, but most were drawn to the sport by the lure of four-wheeled nostalgia.

"I've watched a lot of these girls go from hardly being able to stand up to kicking ass on skates," Rosenzweig said.

Any woman 21 or older can pay $10 and show up to a Derby Dolls practice, Rosenzweig said. Auditions for the team are held every few months.

"It looks like so much fun," shouted Culver City resident Jennifer McKenna, 27, over the roar of the crowd during a recent game. "I want to play."

McKenna, a petite blonde who looks far too fragile to climb into the Derby Dolls ring, said she plans on trying out for the team.

"I'd get to make friends with other women, and it looks like great exercise," she said. "And I'd get to wear cool outfits and think of a fun name and other women would be scared of me … which never happens."

Founded in October 2003 by Rebecca Ninburg (aka "Demolicious") and Wendy Templeton (aka "Thora Zeen"), the L.A. Derby Dolls include more than 60 women divided into three teams: the Fight Crew (whose uniforms have a sexy flight attendant theme), the Sirens (sexy police officer theme) and the Tough Cookies (sexy Girl Scout theme).

The squads play against each other. In addition, they team up against their sister league, the San Diego Derby Dolls.

The women, who range in age from 21 to mid-40s, compete and practice on a 100-by-60-foot banked track in downtown Los Angeles.

And while it is entertaining, it's not just for entertainment. Team members practice about two hours a day, four to five days a week. All team members volunteer to play: The women don't get paid to be Derby Dolls (they actually pay dues to be on the team).

"It's not something you can just drop in and do," Rosenzweig said. "We may be dressed this way and we may be going by funny names, but when the whistle blows, it's 'Game on.' "

There are more than 200 women's roller derby teams across the country (though most of them compete on flat tracks), including the Gotham Girls in New York City, the Rat City Rollergirls in Seattle and the Kansas City Roller Warriors. The Texas Rollergirls in Austin were featured in the short-lived A&E reality show "Rollergirls."

The rules of the game are simple: Each team has five skaters … four blockers and one "jammer." The jammer must skate her way through the opposing team to make it out in front of the pack. For each girl she passes, she scores a point for her team.

Blockers can use their bodies to bump jammers off course, but tripping, elbowing and hitting is prohibited (though it happens).

Not surprisingly, there have been broken bones, bruises, scratches, sprains and lost teeth, although no truly major injuries have occurred.

As is often the case in Los Angeles, a rash of celebrity sightings is helping to fuel Derby Dolls buzz.

Drew Barrymore is a big fan.

The actress is directing a movie based on a book written by former Derby Doll Shauna Cross (aka "Maggie Mayhem"). "Derby Girl" (Henry Holt and Co., 2007) is about a misfit teen who takes up roller derby to escape her small-town woes. Barrymore's movie is called "Whip It" and, according to the Internet Movie Database, www.imdb.com, is scheduled for release in 2009.

Academy Award nominee Ellen Page ("Juno"), who attended the April 12 Derby Dolls game with Barrymore, reportedly is set to star in the film. Actress Cameron Diaz also has joined Drew, her "Charlie's Angels" co-star, in the stands, an appearance that landed the Dolls a mention in a recent issue of People magazine.

It's good press. Recent games have sold out several days before the match. The league's most recent Saturday night game drew nearly 1,700 people, a mix of 20- and 30-something hipsters.

"I can't believe the scene here," said Noah Rubinstein, a 34-year-old Manhattan Beach resident, as he scanned the crowd, taking in its panorama of Converse sneakers and retro T-shirts, high-heeled shoes and summer dresses. "It's very L.A."

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Melissa Heckscher, (310) 540-5511, Ext. 329

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DERBY DOLLS ROLLER DERBY
When: Next game, against the San Diego Derby Dolls, is May 3; doors open at 6 p.m., with a preshow at 7:30 and the match beginning at 8.
Where: The Doll Factory, 1910 W. Temple St., Los Angeles.
Tickets: $20; $40 for VIP tickets, which includes priority seating; 21 and older only.
Information: (310) 285-3766, www.derbydolls.com.

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Photos by  Scott Varley/LA.COM:

Top: The L.A. Derby Dolls female roller derby league performed in front of a sold-out audience at their rink and featured Fight Crew vs. Tough Cookies. Fight Crew blockers do their job, preventing a Tough Cookies jammer from passing.Drew Barrymore, left, will direct a film about roller derby titled "Whip It!" to star fellow derby fan Ellen Page.

Upper right: Drew Barrymore, left, and Ellen Page watch the action. Barrymore will direct a film about roller derby titled "Whip It!" that is slated to star Page.