BY MELISSA HECKSCHER >LA.COM

Attention, loving couples: I know you like to spend time together.

I know you like to sit side-by-side at restaurants - even fancy restaurants where sitting side-by-side is virtually impossible if not just really annoying to the people squished around tiny tables on either side of you.

I know you like to call each other silly names like "Love Muffin." "Sweetie-pants." "Dumpling."

And all that's fine.

But here's where I draw the line:

There's this company in Anaheim that's trying to sell a toilet built for two.

I'm not making this up.

The contraption - it's not in stores yet - is called the "TwoDaLoo." It's being billed as the first toilet two people can use ... "at the exact same time."

Can't get a visual? OK, imagine two toilets crammed so close that their porcelain sides are touching. Now flip one of them around so they're sitting facing each other, yin and yang style.

And there you have it. The TwoDaLoo.

The toilets share the same plumbing so that both bowls can be emptied in one flush (that is, if you and your partner synchronize your bodily functions, in which case I am really, really grossed out right now).

According to Wiserep.com, the wholesale marketing company hoping to distribute the TwoDaLoo by year's end, plans are to get the toilets into big-name stores such as Lowe's and Home Depot.

The company says a single flush saves 2.6 gallons of water.

"Saves marriages and the environment!" exclaims the marketing material. "Brings couples closer together and conserves our water supply all with one flush."

And it's not a joke.

An upgraded version includes a 7-inch LCD television and an iPod docking station so that - yes! - you can simultaneously poop and listen to your latest NPR downloads and watch "Lost" and conserve water ... all with your sweetie by your side.

"When you're most relaxed, that's the best time for you to communicate with your partner," Romeo Mendoza, president of Wiserep.com, said in a press release.

According to polls, only 36 percent of couples use the toilet in front of each other.

"I lived with my boyfriend for a year, and I always kicked him out of the bathroom or locked the door," said my friend Vanessa, a 35-year-old Redondo Beach resident. "I wouldn't even floss my teeth in front of him. Couples don't have to share everything."

"I don't want him seeing me and associating any unladylike activities," said my East Coast friend Lori, 33. "You can't completely hide it that you do, in fact, go to the bathroom, but discretion is key."

If you ask me, there are certain things that don't need to be shared.

Brushing your teeth in front of your guy is fine; brushing your tongue is not. Applying blush to your cheeks is cute; applying bleach cream to your mustache is not.

"If you get too comfortable, things can start going downhill," said Jon, 27, of Hollywood. "We don't need to see everything you do to get ready."

Guys, you're not exempt.

Cutting your toenails in front of us, for instance, is not OK. Also: Watching you put on deodorant kind of grosses us out; and if you've got any out-of-control nose hairs, pluck them in private. Please.

Of course, sometimes we all just can't help it. Inevitably, there is a time in every relationship when some of the mystery unravels - say, after you accidentally drink the water while vacationing in Mexico.

And that's all right. Just don't make a habit of it.

I asked my dad what he thought about all this premeditated modesty and he just shrugged.

"After 30 years of marriage," he said, "none of it matters."

And maybe it doesn't.

But until then, I'll keep the bathroom door shut.

Melissa Heckscher is the author of five books including "Date Him or Dump Him? The No-Nonsense Relationship Quiz" (Quirk Books, 2005). She can be reached at melissa.heckscher@dailybreeze.com